she will be loved

I just came back from an early night of clubbing first at insomnia then at new asia bar. The familiar buzz of exposure to loud music is ringing in the back of my head. The wind from the fan tickles the hair on my arms. I should be sleeping... I am exhausted but instead I sit here and write. Exposing much more about my personal life than I intend to under normal circumstances in the lucidity of the day.

When we are loved, our lives blossom. Love fills our smiles, the way we walk and talk. The way we face adversaries. Being loved is to be able to always walk with confidence, knowing that we are never alone and someone has got our backs. We don't feel this, this love grows to be part of us... yet when it's suddenly gone it leave holes... then life suddenly seems so precarious. We start questioning our own character, looks and values and wonder what went wrong, we start contemplating changing who we are for others. Everthing feels like a temporary contract and nothing is ever guarenteed any more. Like a drug addict, we eventually sell ourselves out and change who we are in exchange for that fake plastic love.

But no. I still remember what it really is. Although it seems distant from me, I still firmly believe that I want someone who likes who I am. I just want to be myself and have people be okay with that. With all my faults. I will not settle for less. I almost caught him once you know?

I admire those with true confidence. Not the marshmellow confidence love gives you, but the confidence even when no one supports or loves you. That's something else. I am not like that, but I can try no?

I have a way of making myself feel better

Skating (on ice!!!)

Who would have known that for many people, their first times going skating would be in singapore?

It was at Fuji ice place in jurong east, I was innitially planning to go with only birgit, but we ended up in a group of 8! I had so much fun. It's been a while since I skated. It was fun bumping into everyone, losing my balance, regaining it, the losing it again and falling. I was screaming and laughing so much. Even the people that I thought were too serious were having a blast and screaming and pushing each other. There's something magical about that skating session that made everyone let their crazy side out. I really felt that in that ice rink a lot of barriers fell down between us. :)

From the sweds that zoomed across the ice and the Maritian who walked on ice, it was definately an experience worth remembering.

symphony

Darkness has fallen unexpectedly early. The Monstrous, thick rainclouds are moving quikely to consume what little brightness that is left in the sky. Tears are crashing down from the heavens already each making its unique music note as it touches down in the world. It's kind of like how we all try to make our unique mark in the world when we begin our jouney in the world. But soon these raindrops join the others making rivers that run alone the crevices of the earth.

The sky is falling, but I leave my windows wide open embracing the sudden transformation in the world. The cranes in the harbor blur in the distance from the veil that is the rain. The rain sings louder. the outlines of the building across from mine is surrounded by white myst from the rapidly descending water. I breath in the sound as the wind enters my windows and my sheets begin to dance to the symphony.

I walk towards my window and feel the tiny specs of rain tingle my skin.

Everything in this world is so artistic. Do you see it?

under one sky

no matter where we are... we are still, always under one sky.

I think it's horrible to let a single unanswered email or letter end a friendship. No one is ever truly out of our lives for we are still under one sky.

Same same, but different

I have descended once again into this humid lushious land that I would call home for the next five month. I am once again see all the familiar sights and hearing the familiar sounds. From the screams and laugher of sleepless shearites at night to the rythmic syllables of singlish to the smell of home. There's a certain je ne sais quoi particular about this smell that hangs in the air, it smells of summer and holds the promise of rain. You can feel the precarious balance of sunshime and an incoming storm.

All these sights and sounds seem hollow with the memories shared with my friends in the not so distant past that haunt them. I met some fabulous people last semester, it makes me wonder whether I'll will be able to again have as much fun as last sem.

Well see. The year has just begun and still hold so much promise.

I met mathieu, a new exchange student from france today, showed him around. It's a start.